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JANUARY 2026

26th:

Yes, Yes.

I feel sad. I feel hurt. its just my brain tryna keep me sad. Its pretending; like if sadness is the only thing that keeps me running.

15th:

say NO to HATERS set

Know Your Game,

The First Addition To Kids4Codeine Radio™

11th:

DOOM SUNDAY

10th:

dymelo

Why. With a period, exactly. Um, why do i keep doing this, pretending i have a future. Hyping myself up and pretending. I mean i have to. Im looking at dead rot, im stuck. Lifes seriously a tough pill to swallow. I had to make the horrible decision of a car or school. Obviously i need the car. I got neither. I told myself i would get it as my Christmas gift and i told myself i could do both. So far still a failure but you had nothing before. Sometimes i think the relationships with people made my life worth something. myself is me or the people who i love. Im genuinely tearing up because i have nothing left to fight for. I cant get a car i cant find a co-signer i have to wait until im able to summon some more points its awful. I owe school so much money theyve been i tracking my enrollments since 2022 it its my responsibility now. Last time i definitely did but… Im going to call them tmr morning at 7:30 because i cant enroll, i cant switch colleges. Im stuck. Ive tried 3 times so far; life happens, things i didnt anticipate. I had nothing at the time its not like i can laser focus on just school and thats it. i say i had nothing but the truth is right now i have nothing. Ha the perspective keeps shifting. During those days a lot more people would show me love, check up and be there for me. Now im just in my room, going crazy, im a labrat. Endlessly working, is there a future for me? Every semester that goes by and i miss the mark, it still surprises me honestly it doesnt feel like me. instead it makes me feel so worthless and really forgotten. Makes me ask myself when have i ever met the mark to anyone. The things that im proud of. its like really? your doing it for the child you were? these are the standards of a 5 year old. Man, its so frustrating. You have all these books, read em, you wont understand em if youre twiddling thumbs, get confused get wrong ideas. The outline im supposed to take, the structure. I cant jam myself into the guidelines. im an out liar (alt lair) Im probably going to be poor forever but i refuse to get used to this struggle, i dont want to become pessimistic l “this is just how life is” mentality it is? I cant do it. i have to try. I have to be! Make whoever is watching proud. Whoever will be watching proud. Where is my measure of greatness, im a mediocrity , many questions simply dont hit me. Ask yourself this who has respected you. Your whole life youve been… Its always been an accident with you. “I didnt mean to but i still did”. I have tried as much as possible to give understanding.”Oh you want respect from the whole city” Youre locked in no youre just so desperate. BUT IM THE SYNONYM FOR GO GETTER, I WAKE UP JUST TO GO GET IT, I FEEL HEAVY. MOM SAID IT WOULDN’T BE INSTANT. MOM SAID NO MATTER WHAT I CANNOT FAIL. FEELING REAL HEAVY. SHES GOING TO DIE. SHES JUST GOING TO SEE HER SON GET NO ENTRY. BE EASY. SHIT IS NOT PRETTY. SHIT ISNT PRETTY AND IM SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE ITS GETTING BETTER, SHIT IS VICIOUS. FEELING HEAVY. PUT IT ON RECORD “WILL I EVER FOLD” CANT GO OUTSIDE IM SO DESPERATE. DONT FUCK WITH BAD INFLUENCES BC I KNOW BETTER, DONT FUCK WITH DRUGS BC I KNOW BETTER. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT GOOD THINGS ARE WORTH HAVING.

All the special needs people break my heart, what if they feel like me, powerless. That makes us the same. Where is the measure of greatness. Who made these rankings, i wish love was more abundant. I wish i could murder all evil. be a blanket. This temporary vessel that im in, this shit is not pretty. It helps me make my game tho, that someone will play. Maybe my respect comes when i learn how to stitch up my old sweater, maybe when my game tells the story i want to tell, i go to school and become someone. I have to find out.

im pretty sure my website is being bot-ed.

7th:

WISE WORDS LAZER