AUGUST 2026
31st:
the most beautiful place on planet earth.
29th:
one in a trillion to even look like you :)
28th:
I didn’t realize my recent posts have been so good. I didnt even think about them afterwards. They’re not even that good actually. They just make me feel good. I look in the mirror and im just as ugly as ive always been but its good to see something change when I read my words.
But today, I got some ideas. To boost morale.
27th:
My sd card died this morning. :/ I wake up at 3am; my bed time is at 7pm. Im not even human, I dont feel lit. Cant take care of myself. Might say fuck work and call off all next week. It might fuck up my wallet but work is fucking my future up/ this environment is destruction. I think i need space in this relationship. Every weekend i have to relearn my mission, this isnt working for me. If I love me, ima go on a campaign. You think I can be a super nerd by christmas? let me rephrase that.
SUPER NERD BY CHRISTMAS, YA !
what does that even mean?
26th:
The books might save me. Time management is tactical right now omg.
Ive been busy practicing my worth, its time to get back to work.
23rd:
There is so much music.
DEAR FRIENDS movie, I was supposed to go out tmr not much of drinker. Im staying home.There are alot of cool stuff out there I need to get on top of.
22nd:
You’ve been using your friends and losing the plot
In the song I took it as , youve been using to your friends to cling on.
21st:
Ive been active! Its just that the posts are private because they dont fit in. Like im an airhead right now NOTHINGS COMING TO MIND! Nothing i feel is worthwhile I guess, oh wait !!
19th:
CAMP FLOG GNAW
Tyler the, Creator is 35 and still speaks to the youth like if he was born in the 2000s. He’s another Ye. Cant wait to hear him rap about prostate exams. Tyler the creator is super funny. Im jealous of you Tyler, you shine so bright my favorite artists cant get some play, you’re 35 and still haven’t passed the torch, your still a headliner ! Its inspiring everytime you roll out its a new you. I get youre rich so its expected but also like na. Because when we lose kanye we’ll have you. Because you could’ve chose to “not” do the things that you do, its a bit elitist but thats trauma from your youth. Personally I dont really listen to tyler but I know he has a lot of kids dreaming of a better day. I feel he gets judged unfairly thats why he acts the way he does. Bad but good, the result is amazing. He must feel like a zoo animal. Its weird, imagine if we talked this way about your mom? “the result is amazing” Twisted, thats what came to mind.
18th:
what happens to the world once we run out of fossil fuels? To our food, to the way we transport ourselves and the things we buy. What happens to war, or the internet. How will the rich try to conquest, are we all just going to forget everything we know? This whole system is built around fossil fuels. I cant imagine a transition without turbulence.
18th:
I want to quit. Realistically i cant quit anything.
17th:
why do i keep waking up? i cant think of a reason.
12th:
Feel the emotions fully and completely but what I forgot to mention is that they’re not you. Tell yourself this “When it comes to personal goals, I have yet to fail.”. – this doesn’t make sense. atleast thats how you know this aint AI. wait!
11th:
Im Not Going To Do Anything Today
I wanna talk about something but im not sure if I should. it was something that I was upset about but since im still waiting for my new journal. I didnt write it down and now I forgot.
8th:
Do You See Me?
I said f it and launched the “Music” section of my identity. Although technically I have it mapped out in obsidian and in my journal, im jumping straight into the deep end.I have to show you what im able to do, I have to show you what influences me and what im able to do with that influence. Or else you’ll never believe.
7th:
Essentially Claw Finger
Im still thinking Ferro and Monica. I get easily distracted. Like when I would play minecraft and I spent too much time on the skeleton of the house, the exterior. I build the structure . I already have a plan, I just need to start executing. Busy work sedates me, every time. I no longer have photoshop for making graphics. Wait Im talking about my website.
-thank you for taking interest, in yourself?
hmm- im thinking, why am I such a baby when it comes to support. Cant do shit without the approval of a peer. Why am I better curator than creator!! Im mad mfs with talent have no will or no desire.
I constantly get the urge to delete it all but is that really the move. Kicking a can back and forth isnt.
Just things that I like; I like this cover.
6th:
DECEMBER 2022
I REMEMBER IT BEING LOVELY
Eating ice cream, 3 flavors. bottom: browney middle: rocky road top: M&M. Anyway mental illness is not cool. Its not even the ‘real you’. Thats why its important to have a journal. Writings that understand me more than any human ever could. To never forget who you were.
6th:
Yo It SOUNDS Dark Because I Am Depressed.
It gives a vibe of deep sadness bc I am. I am. I am sad. Maybe I just want you to hug me. Who? exactly. I have many friends probably the most ive ever had. I miss telling a woman that I loved her. Hold up, Hold up. Its the feeling of comradery. What do I want, I can feel it, can I say it? If the shits wack whatever. If the bitch wack whatever. I only remember beautiful days anyway..
6th:
YOU MIGHT THINK THEY WROTE YOU OFF…
but here I am still thinking about sarai. About things that are beyond irrelevant. I cant help but be fascinated that although I knew her intimately for a brief amount of time. She created a blueprint for me that she couldn’t even fit herself. I just wanted to create things. I wish I could go back to 2022 and tell her that instead maybe its better if we just stayed friends but fostered a close connection. That would’ve avoided a lot of confusion, pain… maybe we would’ve even been a team. I know it would’ve probably phased out anyway -but she wouldn’t be stuck in my mind like this. I avoid thinking about her sort of “deeply?”. Whenever it pops into my mind its like I immediately erase it. Like if I was allergic, I used to walk around carrying a dehumanized version of her memory*like she was toxic anyway. now I realize girl was the victim*. Girl was trying to learn how to love just as I was. How unfair that people that didn’t know her decided her fate for me when I was the one that knew her on a deeper level. Dumb boy, dumb play. I don’t know anything about her, where shes at, what shes doing, etc. I wonder what she learned from that situation. Maybe her friends gave her a dehumanized version of me too. Had she/me/her-friends just walked up and asked. It could’ve been solved within a couple of days and my next relationship would’ve been a lot healthier. The world is wicked and good at the same time, we’re all witnesses and no one is watching, at the same time.
.An emotional reset will happen in due time. Before I forget the intricacies of that era of my life *and what led to this era* I have to show sympathy, I have to show that I understood because that makes the world a better place.
1st:
FOR ALL MEXICAN KIND
I didn’t find the sense in anything. Slowly how I felt became what I thought. I had to shift my attention to smaller things. It wasn’t until I received intervention( intervention really is divine). Or a blessing, anyway I now feel my dreams are possible again. Thats why ive been making a lot of references to 2023 & 2024. That magic that I felt then was somehow reborn but more like reactivated, it happened when Shaltal asked me “ are you any good?” (when I told her about my creative endeavors) -we were just talking but she turned it into a conversation. A richness I haven’t felt in years. Dissecting media I wasn’t prepared for. She even asked me “ if I even played videogames?” had I become shallow? Had I become a boring person that just talks to talk? We used to make fun of those. ” I told her I collect them.” (If it wasn’t for my catalog, for this website, I wouldn’t be able to prove? who I am?) We talked about dreams. -later when I went home I opened up Obsidian made a new project ‘ONE: STEPS TO CREATE A RENAISSANCE’. In which we’re living right now. My work is still I guess sad but with this beauty that I feel, that will soon become my thoughts. Thoughts that I can! I CAN CONTINUE !! Im excited to show you !