SEPTEMBER 2026

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28th:

new rappers; but what hurt me the most was that painter that I lost, I thought I had bookmarked his website. Im pretty sure I wrote about him in my journal but it was ages ago. Im losing my mind bc I found him off a google typo search. Im thinking back in June. Im just venting cuz its over. I have to pray I wrote his name down in my journal. I dont even remember if it was a man. I remember how the murals made me feel, like save it for later.

24th:
Its unorganized like my room, “its like my mind is stuck in rear view”. Im really stupid and I hate that about myself. Ive been called a loser a million times, the worst part is, I feel like I should have a comeback by now? But im here talking to you, trust me its not you. People that treat you poorly should not matter. Can you tell how disenfranchised I feel. I know you feel it in your heart aswell. But this is a one way street, I cannot hear you. Why do I deserve your attitude? Why do you deserve my attitude? I cry because I cannot hear you. I cry because I cannot hear anyone. I know you feel it in your heart aswell. Its like my mind is stuck in rear view. Its unorganized like my room.

I still have the old version of my website. I cry so passionately when I look at it because I wasn’t supposed to be anything. I thought I was too ghetto. True disembodiment and severe mental illness. I used to hope for hope to come shed light into my life. This kind of fight, the misery never left me alone. Talk to me with all of them lies and I can see right through your scheme. Call me a loser one more time and Ill show you whos ghetto. Remember when you were 16, do you remember how it felt? They’re tryna make you feel like that again. Been doing this kind of fight for 5 years. Barely able to do what it was I set out to do. Custom pages, a true palette of songs and thoughts that show you how my mind works, so you can deconstruct my work. When Im no longer here. There’s nothing to be afraid of its all make believe.

Told her, bring it back to the house or we cant go to the mall. We’re Blessed. The both of us. Sorry for talking to you in that way. I know being oppressive dont make me real, being misogynistic dont make me him. I feel cute when I give you piggybacks, we’re taller that way.

24th:

2 THINGS ON MY MIND

Everytime I go out I wear the same outfit.

I was an impressionable 14 yr old. I saw this and -this mightve been the tipping point. “Place(unreleased)” Its colorful and sounds videogamey. Its funny because to me this could be part of the mario kart soundtrack. I hear it and I feel the the track, the atmosphere, like progression. Ironically yesterday I was racing against a mk7 pro. (diara mk7) u kids gotta do sum homework, fuk! .I got smoked!(U guys might see me online on mk7, my name is XxProxX been my usrname fr! _{^{since 2016}} gabe calls me pro-x) I think my “pro”-x days are over tho lol. Yea, I was having a sad gamer-life crisis. im just not what I used to be. I dont got it no more. But still I dont feel out of place not being good at videogames. Id like to believe I traded that in for something else.

These visuals tho. I think they’ve imprinted on me. Thats also probably why I love puppet combo. I always talk about like introspection, its interesting how much of it is facing outward.

Its a big world out there. Collect your sauce(s). Even if you’re surrounded by people who don’t eat spicy food. The sauceless people upset me too. There’s just nothing you can do. Cause youre gonna start searching for the validation of people that dont hold the magic youre looking for. There’ll come a day where unexpectedly a person will reveal themselves asking you for a little spice to cheer up their day.

Speaking about up cheering up your day.

As you guys know I play Animal Crossing (GC). A game about community and friends. Maybe Ill show off my town in the ” ARCHIVE “.

This game is giving me Animal Crossing vibes. But is it going to be a sad game? Is it going to be a scary game? For the record it really inspired me to rewrite CST. Especially when I saw that scene when they’re at the bar or whatever like thats how my parents describe their early life. I guess its appealing because I dont have that aspect of life and older folk talk about missing it. We like all want it. . Am I trying to create that atmosphere digitally, on my website? what if its not possible, what if it only translates in real life and can only be simulated by videogames? -I think its more for my mental health. Life is just work, this helps me escape and be human. This website brings in like imaginary friends, which sounds crazy but I cant be let down, its the only thing helping me grow. It sounds crazy but I dont feel crazy. So that means its doing its job.

Anime + Carti are 19,20,21 for me. Its interesting how that dna lives on through memory and its oddly still happening?? These two things are still connected.

If I were one of those “its not that deep bro” people. This beauty wouldn’t exist and you wouldn’t love me.

I KEEP SAYING THIS OVER AND OVER.

21st: I feel annoying. I started getting these headaches since last Monday. I think this time im going to hold on to my aquarium tickets. You never know what adventures lie ahead right. bruh im depressed. And not sad. Its that life of meaninglessness; I might be talking from experience. -Feel me tho? its that love. I guess im loveless not meaningless, I feel really ugly yk. im not as I pathetic as i sound. Sometimes im pretty awesome. Its my rotten environment. Im looking for a new job I swear.

FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE AM I TRANSFORMING THIS PLACE?LONELINESS GIVES ME A HEADACHE I JUST HAVE TO BREAK THE 4TH WALL FROM TIME TO TIME.

If the rats game is to chase cheese then its not about me. If the alcoholic is in the constant pursuit of another drink then its not about me. If the rivals wanna send shots its not about me, in truth I don’t need to fight them because its not up to me to piece together fragile egos or validate their existence. You’re after the crown so its not about me and its never been about me at all.

14th:

I AM DEPRESSED

Just A Kiss Would Be Enough

How u feel about life?(existential question) What gives you a reason to run.(your answer) Im out of things to talk about but hey look at my eyebrows, they’re done.(me, me, me) And my skin looks semi glassy but the acne still hasn’t let up.(struggle) Maybe one day ill show you.(hope) Once I get past my ugliness.(struggle/insecurity/pickme) Cuz whats the sense in showing you if you wont think im handsome.(ignorance/in desperate need of your validation) Anddd its that mentality that’s stopping me from finding love.(reflection) Its alright I can do what I wanna.(self soothing)

I Wanna Be In Love Again, Get It?

NOT SAD.

you can break down all my work like this.(like this)

10th:

I keep coming back from the dead. Ive made – it feels like a lifetime supply of oatmeal. I keep eating oatmeal. I keep coming back from the dead because every month its the same cycle and this morning I woke up feeling melancholic. Im not sure why. Im on a cycle every month. Its really only in the weekend when I get down and dirty. I miss being loved. Im alone in this bro and ive been searching far and wide. Maybe im not risking enough embarrassment? Like expressing it with the passion im feeling. These recent posts im going to delete, Im just writing them because im in limbo/ waiting period. 1st-8th masterpieces. These past couples of day ive been sad, im not sure why.

Armando Muro written in my neatest hand. Loves as big a dream right. :)

9th:

YOU CAN LOSE 3 AND STILL MAKE IT TO 7

I been thinking. Im right there with you. Its hard to write your 200 words a day. I wish I could tell you how I felt today. Im running a survey probably wont finish until Saturday. A desperate attempt to understand my environment; so far its sad. I have data to prove what ive been talking about.

I didnt work on my website today, I instead made oatmeal cookies. I dont mean to be so negative, you genuinely influence me for good.

7th:

HOME

I will never stop and I love you so much. I will never stop. With my skin, with the clothes, with my game. The art I choose to create, I will never surrender. I have a long list of things I will never surrender. This blog, the main page, with my body, with my soul, mexican. – I have yet to meet you. Im excited to one day be able to collaborate and imagine great things.

with my hair, with my eyes, with my face, my voice, the electronics, the fits, the pieces, my mental, my heart, my soul, music, writing, film, games, books, I will never surrender. The acne, the skinnyness, the weakness, shyness, awkwardness, nerd, liar, abuser, I can never surrender. I cannot drown in sorrow. When I look in the mirror I see me. When I look at you, I become you, seeing you as you see yourself in your mirror… you usually cant touch what’s inside the mirror but in this case you can touch me..? Except I dont see you how you see yourself in your mirror, you are your reflection of you to me. You are the mirror that reflects “you” onto “me”. Mirror mirror on the wall I wish you could talk. & so she does.

6th:

The love never really goes away. Its a chore trying to ignore it. It makes me sad. When I allow myself to think about the amazing people, the ones I truly love. Without that connection I feel that Ive disappeared. While working on this website, moving around all the old things im flooded with memories of the only person I knew. I read my very old stuff and its really bad but she really cared about me so she elevated my work by taking it seriously.

I guess the difference of working on my own is that theres no love, I usually dont or rarely feel enriched. I wonder if its that people like her are rare and I just got lucky or I myself assisted. (in her (having such a bright light.) Seriously though the people around me arent worth what im used to, their light’s are very dim. So much more work too. I take people opinions and thoughts really seriously, I find myself constantly fighting with them. Like I said so much more work for substandard creativity and “person” in terms of even being a “good person”. -Im easily influenced but I find myself constantly rejecting their ideas.

5th:

WRITING IS A DEEP CREATIVE EXPRESSION; MOST CANT EVEN BEGIN, I SHOULD BE THANKFUL

With over 1000+ posts, that book is going to be long.

3rd:

March was a peaceful month:

nothing.

silence.

What you are about to read reflects a warped view of the world.

Should i name these? Im going through a time wasting, immobilized by responsibility ass -days. Cant have fun or be productive, its work come home do chores sleep at 7 but more like lay in bed at 7, theres been times where i fall asleep around 10, so basically i spend hours in bed trying to sleep. Its bad for me. – enough ranting- If you can take care of yourself, keep up the rhythm. Not much to say, ive been enjoying the colder weather.

You can hurt yourself on the way out bro.

I TRY TO HANG ON BUT FALL JUST THE SAME

I told you im an artist.

I like to talk bullshit when im bored.

Right before you showed me, -cuz if a dude can feel nostalgia for selling crack why cant I love you for helping me. Basically its not gon hurt you if I call you twin.

Less is more.

That pizza we made meant more but im a loner, no disrespect but i only love people after they leave. yes, im very ignorant. See new fridge but no food in it. See I was put in this situation and somehow im still bored innit. You love the way I request to hear your requests, what., you try to hide it saying you like the way I think. This love shit is russian roulette. Amazingly you pull the trigger 6 times, all a miss. I let my feet walk, i got ligaments. I love you because I care about you but I dont wanna share a mortgage bitch. No disrespect but im just a camino man why dont you get confused with someone more glorious.